How things get forgotten about!

I really hate how things get fogotten about.
Crisps in the back of the cupboard, old gadgets you find lying around your room, even this blog!!
I think we need to resurrect it!

Why is money not making itself evident!?!?!

Money, we all need it in order to live, to buy food+water, to heat our homes, clothes etc. Since the authors of this blog haven't really reached the stage of paying mortgages and paying for the weekly shop, what on earth do we spend so much money on that their isn't any left? In this rant I want it to make it clear that things need to be cheaper!!!! Below are a couple of ideas to get you started...

1. Females
A problem for guys (at least the heterosexual ones anyway), females (as in girlfriends) are very...very expensive (£lots), taking them out to dinner (£££), buying presents (£££) for Christmas (and her hopefully not forgotten birthday(££££££££££££££)) add up to a monumental sum (£INFINITY)that for guys, at least those without a part time job, find it a struggle to pay up.

2. Clothes
OK seriously, why on earth would someone spend 50 quid on a Abercrombie and Finch/Hollister Hoodie?!?!? What type of uncomprehendible delorted evil spirit possesses people to go and spend 10 hours of average teen wage on a piece of clothing that says "Hollister" on it??? Sure, its a brand to have, but its probley made in Hinagiyiastan or somewhere for 50p by using child labour etc.

3. Driving
Let me give you a list of all the expenses associated with driving(mainly cars, but motorbikes aswell):

• Paying for the car
• Paying for VAT on the car
• Paying for having the car washed once in a while
• Paying for VAT on the carwash
• Paying for the MOT (and any costs incurred by getting it up to standard)
• Paying for VAT on the MOT and any parts needed
• Paying for Insurance
• Paying for VAT on the insurance
• Paying for driving lessons
• Paying for VAT on the driving lessons
• Paying for fuel
• Paying for VAT on the fuel
• Paying for fuel duty TAX (a MASSIVE 65p per litre(£££££), the govn. make probley at least 10 times more money off fuel than the oil companies do! (cause the oil companies sell it on for say 40p per litre, and they have bills to pay(such as transporting the petrol half way round the world to a garage and paying VAT)
• Paying for VAT on the fuel duty TAX
• Paying for congestion TAX if you live in London etc.

and then obviously the crashs where your insurance will probely go up by about four or five times depending on the degree of the crash...

4. Gadgets
We (or at least some of us) will spend money on gadgets like Iphones (Apple sold a total of over 22,000,000 types of ipod in the first three months of 2009, they made billions upon billions!)and music.

5. Going out with friends
Going to the cinema (seeing rubbish films like Twilight), restaurants, daytrip to Portrush/Dublin, Bowling, Ice Skating and the like...

I'm not sure about you, but I need more, much more money!!!

Customer Service

Anyone who's ever had to phone a customer service line will know what a traumatising experience it can be...

Recently I got a new contract with Orange but I wanted to keep my old number and so had to phone O2's ridiculously priced customer service line. I had a fiver on my phone but despite this O2 managed to keep me on hold so long on their 25p/min phone number that it ran out. I mean what's up with that? It's an absolute joke. Then they said they'd phone me but they didn't, so I had to put more money on a phone I was getting rid of just to get rid of it. Why?

I really though it couldn't get any worse, until I phoned Orange's customer service line. At least when I phoned O2's customer service line it was an English person who I could understand, the same could not be said about Orange. I was greeted by an Indian woman who quite clearly couldn't speak English, she asked me to choose a password I chose the word "Rutherglen" as it was part of my address (stupid I know). When asked how to spell it I said R U T H E R G L E N and she asked me if it had a "Q" in it. I laughed and then she said "OK that's your password then". So I'm hoping that I don't have to use the password anytime soon because I still don't know what it is.

You have to laugh like, 'cos it's totally ridiculous.

"Botox Ladies"

For those of you who don't know what i mean by this they are the sort of people who are ummm "aging" so to say and not doing it gracefully. I recently had an encounter with one of these people in Tescos - luckily i survived.

My troubles started when we tried to get down a bust isle but couldn't because the lady in question was too busy MAKING LOVE TO THIS GUYS EAR - with her kids watching. Let me tell you i was traumatised for life. She was making an awful lot of noise as well. OK so i eventually got passed - she must of found what she was looking for in his ear. I then had to get a new toothbrush, but that same lady was on her knees just below my toothbrush which was on the top shelf. So I waited for a while but she still didn't move. She was too busy complaining about why children need mouthwash, i mean on and on and on about it. I eventually lost patience and politely reached across to get it. This was soon followed by a push in the stomach by the botox lady. she then started to fully swear at me in front of her children then she called over to her huge boyfriend who was probably a terrorist by the looks of him to come and "Sort Me Out". So I grabbed the brush and legged it.

Now i know this is more like a personal story then a rant but I need to get it off my chest. I also believe there is an important lesson in this for everybody to learn - If you see a woman like this getting stuck into her boyfriend, JUST WALK AWAY!

Housework

We have all done it, we have all had to do it... but WHY!. It is the most pointless thing in the world - even more so than Americans. For example making your bed, why bother wen your going to mess it up again that same day, you could be doing something worth while such as reading the hilarious rants on this blog but no, we are stuck doing it and wasting are lives. We will not be young forever.

Secondly theres mopping. I mean wat use does spreading a bit of water over your floors do, except make you depressed. It just gathers the dirt into one big soggy lump in the middle of your floor, which is bad because you dont want to go near it.

Finally if your reading this as one of those buggers who's parents do their housework for them, I hope you feel sorry for me and send me a gift - muffins would be nice.

RyRy

'Rip-off' Britain

For tens of thousands of travellers who have jetted off to the United States in recent weeks, lured by currency rates that convert £1 into about $1.70, shopping over there must feel like heaven.

Of course this all begs the most important question of all: if prices of goods and services abroad are so cheap compared to ours, why are we still living in Rip-off Britain?

Cars

Take a brand new luxury version of the Renault Laguna 2.0 Privilege. Over here the book price is just under £20,000 for one. If you are good at haggling, you might even negotiate a discount and shell out £18,500.

In a car showroom in Paris right now, the same model in metallic black will set you back £13,600.

Or go to Italy, where a brand new three-door Ford Focus Fiesta TDCi 1.4 will cost 9,850 euros, or about £8,000. Another £450 will buy you the five-door version. Meanwhile, the list price in the UK is £11,600, while the five-door version costs £12,500.

Meanwhile, petrol and diesel prices are about 17% cheaper in France than in the UK, while a litre of petrol costs about 55p in the US.

Software

In Britain, upgrading from Windows 7 Home Premium to Professional will cost £120. In the US, the same upgrade costs only $90 (£54). It means British buyers are being charged more than twice as much for nothing more than a simple code.

Netbook buyers wanting to upgrade from Windows 7 Starter to Home Premium will be charged £70 in Britain, whereas US buyers are charged $80 (£48).

Microsoft - which announced the prices at 5:15pm on Friday afternoon - said it couldn't provide a spokesman to justify the rip-off Britain price

Death of a famous person.....

RIP MJ.....

Now that I have paid my respects, I can let you in on how I feel about all this media shit that is going about. We all live, we all die, simple as. However, in the world of celebrities, death seems to be a glorifying process in which everyone who doesn't really give a damn but has heard their name in "Heat" look and say - OMG has died, I have to go online and talk to other people about it. Its ridiculous, just don't even bother. Thousands of people die everyday from the exact same conditions these famous people do but no one gives a shit about them do they??

All the people of the world who are currently clogging up the internet with millions of freaking "I love MJ" and "RIP MJ" get a life and spare a thought for all the others who are dying every second, oh wait, that would overload your tiny tiny tiny brains.

So the message, get off the internet so that normal people can continue with their work without interruption, because in reality, even though you may not like it, MJ and all the other stupid celebrities in the world are just people.

PS. Good enough for you Chris lol??

Footballers

Football, the beautiful game. A statement felt by many to be true, but to me its worthless unless beauty is some nancey boys falling over and screaming. We are in a global crisis. Fact. Banks are dying. Fact. People are losing money and there jobs, some can no longer support there family's. Fact. Yet WHY in this time of world wide DEPRESSION have some crack pot old fools spent 80 million pounds on a footballer. No, I'm not having you on, people really have spent nearly 100 million pounds on a person in this economic climate. Its so unbelievably stupid its funny! I mean what the heck do these people think they are doing?! Do they seriously live in a cotton wool world where their mistress visits twice a day and then sign a bit of paper with some stupidly big numbers on it? Honestly, it reminds me of the Governor in Mel Gibson's 'Blazing Saddles', and yet even he realized people would wake up to the fact he was rubbish (The Governor that is not Mel...we love you Mel!)! So please, sir Alex, and all you other cronies out there, do yourselves a favor; wake up cos you wont last for ever, especially if you keep WASTING money like that. Seriously, you're worse than the government...

Linux - Always making your life just that little bit harder

Today, I tried to install Java to my Linux machine (openSUSE 11 if you must know) - I'm sorry, but no one who is not a bloody tech genius could install it!! It is ridiculous, especially if you are coming from the windows world of IT, click one button and it installs, well completely FORGET IT.
Installing is fine, I was able to do that with ease, even though it is not as simple as windows - you have to go command line style :P - even a moron with a set of instructions could do it. Then you think WOOT!! I've done it, all ready to go, but you haven't and if you think that you have - you are officially a twat.
No No No No, its not as simple as that, because you have to do all the extra stuff that the windows installer does 'behind the scenes' by hand, like in my case linking the java files to FireFox - WHO CAN BE BOTHERED WITH THAT.
After about an hour of fiddling with it...........I got it to work <----- what a lie!!
After about two hours it was however working after the IT professional man (you know who he is, the mysterious computer man) had it working for me, even though it took him almost as long as me to come to terms with the piece of shite that is Linux installers.
I like Linux because it is all open source, you can see every file on the hard drive (unlike windows), all the applications are free, the OS is even free but seriously these things get on my nerves eventually mainly because they are not documented anywhere!!

So there is a lesson in this, if you want to be a happy simple IT user STAY AWAY FROM LINUX!!

Apple Mac's

I'm going to be blunt here: What the hell is the point in them??
I can see no area where a Mac is better than a Windows PC or an open linux one.
Firstly, lets look at cost. Everyone knows that Mac's cost more than PCs, that is simple fact. The cheapest Macbook you can currently buy is £749. They say its because you are buying a top notch operating system with the PC, but, the license for the os only costs £83 to buy by itself, meaning that the actual hardware of the "thing" is being charged at £666 (scary number, i don't think its a coincidense). Easlier on, I found a laptop with exactly the same specs, same memory, same screen, same processor, same graphics card - they are almost identical except one has an apple sticker on it. It cost £350 and that included windows XP which is a £35 license. So Mac users, you have been screwed over. You also have to look at the cost of all the other software you will want to buy, like games which all cost more than the PC versions.
Compatibiliy is another area in which Macs suck. I want to install this piece of software on my mac, the same as I have on my PC, oh wait, screw, they don't make a mac version!! Classic story.... a good idea would be to burn the mac and buy another PC.... Well if your stupid enough to buy a mac in the first place you must be stupid enough to burn it.
The other problem is the image that comes with owning a mac, especially a macbook. You have to become part of that social group that sit at the back of every starbucks in the whole bloody country and "surf" or at least look busy all the time - Wasters. They are people who "think" they are cool, buying more expensive technology when all you actually proving is you have too much money, probably no friends, and are a complete numpty.
I know all you Mac users out there reading this will be furious that I have slagged your beloved apple, well I'm sorry, your all idiots so BITE ME BITCHES!! If you would like to complain, please think of what you would like to say in your head, and then keep it there....

MSN / Windows Live Messenger

Microsoft, the largest software producers in the world, are either blind or just seriously stupid in my opinion. Take the latest version of Windows Live Messenger as an example, its a piece of shite. They have removed sharing folders and replace it with a stupid file/picture viewer which doesn't even work cross platform. And why?? I can't see any good reason. I know you can use it to breach copyright but they surely new that when they put it in, in the first place!! I'm running an old 8 series version which I like with sharing folders just to annoy them.

In other news, I have read today that Windows 7 is going to be sold in Europe without Internet Explorer (Web browser) build in. I know they have been screwed over by the EU government and that is why they are doing it but come on - that is just taking the piss. After the recent set of EU elections too, I have lost complete faith in politics, they all seem to be a bunch of wankers in the EU.

C2k

C2k....where do I even start!!
Ever wanted to retrieve some of your school documents from home?? I have, and C2k always tell us that it is possible via their website, but honestly they are turds because it never works. You just get a blank page because their bloody system is so shocking it can't load your my documents folder. I can't see why we choose them to manage the whole northern Ireland schools computer systems because they are clearly shite at everything and don't give a damn even when we complain. They don't even have an email address you can complain too. Lucky for them, because they would never see the back off me, the lazy tosser sitting in their small office wouldn't be able to press the delete button fast enough. Frankly, I think I could do a better job myself, except for having to cope with so many schools. Maybe that's the problem!!
Also with the death of Windows XP looming, which is what all the systems run on, the situation can only get worse without some major brains getting involved, but so far, I am yet to see any degree of intelligence from them. I bet they were just paid a huge amount by the government to manage the systems.
This is another GET IT SORTED article!!!

Headphones

Ok seriously...headphones...how on earth do they get tangled up? It's almost as if they have had a fight with each other when they are in your pocket! Most headphones have a 'slider' which holds the two wires together to stop them getting tangled up...completely ineffective!

Let me give you a quick example of this. I was standing, waiting to get picked up after a physics exam recently and so i thought "looks like I have some time on my hands, lets listen to some music" (mind you some decent music like the stuff RyRy descibed below!) ...By the time I got my headphones untangled, which was like trying to untangle Christmas tree lights, my lift arrived! What a waste of my life!

Although perhaps not a major problem, but something very...very...VERY annoying and is worth mentioning as a rant! Anyone who comes up with a proper solution to this problem let me know asap!

Modern Pop Bands

I mean seriously what has happened to music these days. What was wrong with Ozzy Osbourne and guns and roses, true gods of music. Now we are REDUCED to listening to some synthesised American teenager who probably doesn't even know who Ozzy is - SHAMEFUL!. The lyrics as well have gone downhill - from MEANINGFUL lyrics which actually has something to do with life to "Shake Shake Shake it" Well maybe I don't want to SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE IT, did u ever thing of that, mmmm?

Seriously get it sorted, bring back proper music and proper musicians who can actually sing and write DECENT SONGS not just 3 words OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER AGAIN!

Toasters

Bread + Heat --> Toast + Butter --> A delicious snack.
As it says on that rather long lurpack advert, a granary canvas for a million toppings, or something like that. Toast is yummy, but a pain to make because of the TOASTER *dramatic music*
This morning, I got up, I have no cereal left *cries* so I thought hmm what can I eat (since nothing is never an option). Toast I thought.
I am now in a bad mood because my bloody damn toaster is stupid and only seems to toast bread on one side. Which is pointless because then its not toast, its still bread...... Its all the toasters fault for being wrong, I even burnt my hand because I had to turn my "bread/toast" around so that the bloody machine could toast it on the other side!! As with all machines, why can't it just work!! Seriously, those German boffins who come up with every good idea for the world today better fix my toaster but recently, they haven't seem to have come up with many new inventions. CREDIT CRUNCH biting - I think not!! They have just become lazy bastards and use it as an excuse.
So a summary:
Does this article make sense?
No
Did I have a nice breakfast?
No
Has anyone come up with a way for me to have nice toast?
No

Seriously - GET IT SORTED

Cereal

Before I go on to my first rant, let me introduce myself. I'm Chris...friends of the rest of the authors. I'm in the air cadets and I love flying planes! I also have a fish tank! You don't have to be mad to be in my family...but it helps! When Im not flying or hangin out with my friends i enjoy acting the fool!

So, for my first rant, I thought I would choose something that has been annoying me for ages...the mysterious problems with cereal. I do have to admit I've been eating coco pops since the age when my teeth wouldn't break when i would eat them. Anyway, for the past couple of months I've been trying out a new cereal, coco-pops mega munchers! They are simply brilliant! However there is a slight draw back with these. When you get out of bed, you know the drill, get a bowl, a spoon, the munchers and the milk (because your a normal person who takes milk with their cereal). Anyone who knows what mega munchers look like will know that there curved. This means that when you put the milk on the cereal the milk it deflected because munchers are curved. This causes the milk to be deflected out of the bowl making a spill! What an inconvience!

One day a smart man invented kitchen roll, and so you use a sqaure of it to clean up the spill, as milk smells really really...really bad after a while! But then, in doing so, because you only need a small bit of the kitchen roll it means your wasting most of it! And with everyone 'ranting' about deforestation and 'saving the trees' its really a shame wasting the kitchen roll...

The only way round this problem is to rip of the corner of a sqaure of kitchen roll so that your not wasting any, you then mop up the mess, and your done! Only one slight problem...because you tore of the corner it means the kitchen roll looks really really weird! Because the next person is going to come along and think "what an imbicile, just look at it, how pathetic is that? That person is such a kino!"

Unfotunatly there is yet no solution to this problem, so in conclusion I can think of three main points:

1. Kellogs should make munchers less curved
2. People should recycle kitchen roll more
3. And finally...someone needs to invent kitchen roll with smaller sqaures!

If anyone comes up with a solution to the problem please let me know because someone really needs to end the suffering, the discomfort, the annoyence, the inconvience, the catastropicness, the epicness, the backache, the toothache, the headache, the miserableness, the tediousness of the pain encountered of the horrible disaster of spilling milk beacause mega munchers are curved!

Campers

This is for all of you gamers out there. Don't you just HATE players who sit at a spawn point and just fully rape you before you have properly respawned. I mean what is the point sure you will rack up the kills but it doesn't matter because I'll beat you anyway =P. It also involves ABSOLUTELY NO SKILL so is used by lazy or headstrong players (Americans). It also ruins the game for the small percentage of skilled players who hunt down the Americans and kill them before they have a chance to react (which is quite along time).

I hope you agree with this, and if you are a camper, GROW A PAIR

RyRy

Invigilators

Exams, GCSE's to be correct. You sit there are do your paper as you are watched over by the group of invigilators who as far as I can tell get paid way to much to do very little. Would you take £8.92 to sit there on your ass and drink tea and eat free scones, I think you would.
Clearly, from looking at the invigilators in our school, there are a few criteria you can draw up. Firstly, you have to be a pensioner - must be the oldest working group of people ever. You also have to like tea and be able to clink and slurp from your cup. Secondly, there has to be something wrong with your physical complexion or have a very irritating voice just so that you can give the students something to laugh at.
I think they all secretly WANT to be teachers but are too dumb. Everything they do is pre-arranged by the exam board, so they are brainless puppets.
SERIOUSLY, GET A PROPER JOB!!

Introduction

Last as usual... oh well, clearly we are adopting the "save the best till last policy".
My name is Peter and to be honest, I am a bit of a nerd!! I enjoy ranting (clearly because this is my freaking blog), anything to do with computers, mountain biking, mountaineering, chatting, watching TV - really anything that is mildly interesting or entertaining.
*sarcasm*I am from the sunny world of Northern Ireland*sarcasm*
If you have read my other rants then you will have probably got to grips with things that really piss me off in the world. AND TRUST ME there is plenty more to come.
If you play games lots, and a general freak with no life plans, then you may have been killed by me many times because I am officially SKILLED. Watch out from my user name The_Wee_Ham and Hammeh on any games you play and be afraid.
As always, feel free to email me at peteronblogger@yahoo.co.uk with any arguments/rants you may have and I will post them, clearly with credit to you.
Other than that I hope you enjoy reading this blog, we enjoy writing it. Also look forward to new writers being added soon!!

RyRy

Following Starkeys attempt to introduce himself i feel i must do the same, mainly because he will look like a bit of a Muppet if i don't.

My name is Ryan and if you have READ MY PROFILE you would know. I enjoy kayaking, fishing, rock climbing, fell running, mountain biking and a tadd of PK - really anything that involves me being a bit of a numpty but i wouldn't have it any other way. My best friend is Starkey, I LOVE U MAN! I also have a strong hate for big towns and cities and chavs, i mean wtf is up with that STUPID FRINGE!

RyRy